When I was younger, I tried very hard to hang out with groups of people. I thought I was not normal if I did not try to get along and be outgoing. Instead I always hung to the back and only spoke to people I knew or felt comfortable with. As I have grown, I realized that I was normal. I was just someone who found comfort in the few I am very close with instead of many people. My personality tweaks a bit depending on who I am with (a bit more polite for those who favor it and a little more on the zany size for those who are comfortable with it) but I always have been myself. In short, I find comfort in people I care about, in my small circle that the people I trust with my secrets and venting is in an even smaller group.
So when through my life I was told by some individuals, usually ex boyfriends, that I was no longer who I used to be, I became paranoid and would analyze myself. It was unneeded really, as I should have known better. I was always myself, it was just that I did not notice my own fluctuations in moods as something to be strange. Spend time with yourself a lot and you get accustomed to your own behavior.
Most people see the best of you, if you let them. They see the happy, friendly, and voracious part of you. Most see the outward personality you use so that you can communicate with other people. That they don't see you ranting and flipping out as much because you do your best in public to remain calm. (This is not everyone, as some people freely express every inner thought they ever have) For some people, it takes time and energy and patience to throw themselves out to get to know people in person, to uphold constant communication, and most of all just to remain the calm and collected person that you expected to be only for the fact that everyone got USED to you acting that way.
It takes years or some very special people, to learn about your "bad side" as well. The side that is not too thrilled with not having cheese on their burger when it is just a sandwich. Sure on the outside you are calm but on the inside you might just be tired or pushing yourself to the edge of patience when that darn cheese isn't on that sandwich.
There is a side that wants to hide away from all of the people and just spend time with those you live with or even completely alone so you can breath, clear your mind a bit, refresh/reset/ alt+ctrl+delete it all. That way when you jump back into the world, you can just resume acting that "good" side everyone expects of you because that is what they learned to associate with you.
There are occasions that someone sees your "bad side" and they will assume you changed because it isn't their normal preconception of you. Even though they may have never been in a situation where they saw you about scream at the person who cut you off in traffic, or may be on the receiving end of when you choose seclusion when they want to interact, or even when you just want to be quiet and watch others interact because your best way to learn how to get to know someone might just be seeing their personality from an outside perspective before you jump in and talk to them.
This is all normal and for those who are at a constant of being very open about their emotions, yelling at people who make mistakes, and speaking every thought that crosses their mind. You are normal too. We are all our very own version of normal, and it just takes time to learn how other people are going to be in their very best situations and at their very worst.
Perhaps this is why I always forgave people more easily (sometimes too easily) when they did something wrong. I figure everyone cannot be perfect or do everything perfectly. This is why I always communicated better online through writing because I could work out the words properly into something visual instead of fumbling around with them in my head and trying to construct a sentence and misuse a word. (That happens often. WAY too often. Or my silence in thinking of a proper reply is somehow taken as me ignoring a person)
Either way, people are people. Good and bad, and I try to take things as a whole instead of piece by piece.
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