Attachment Parenting Thoughts

I believe there are all sorts of parenting. It differs in every country, but in some countries you feel like having a child would be impossible. What if you have a job? Who stays home? How do I keep up with bills?

 I happen to live in the 'lovely' USA where we have issues about women's rights, birth control and contraception availability is in danger based on religious views of the EMPLOYER, and not only does the father never get paternity leave (which is not even paid if they miraculously do get it) but the mothers have a tendency to not have any paid maternity leave (if they get it).

 Even if you now have another mouth to feed, you are sort of hosed financially for even making the choice to have a child. Even if it is not a choice and more of a wonderful surprise, you feel punished for it.

 Now, we have mommy wars. Different parenting styles and people leaping at the proverbial throat when someone disagrees with another parenting style. Well guess the fuck what, you don't like that style then DON'T DO IT.

Raise your child your way. Just nurture, love, and feed them like you should and handle your punishments and everything else in your own way as long as it doesn't abuse them.

 Provided, I have not studied into the attachment parenting deeply. I didn't research any parenting at all, instead I went with my gut and took from things I did know about how I was raised. The rest was all me, following my momma instinct for what worked for my child and I.

 I left college to be home with my son, which for me was the best decision ever. I bonded better because he was a newborn, his stress levels went way down and his eating habits stabilized into something better. After that, he slept better and was overall more calm.

 My husband and I both chose to have him share the bed with us and sleep there. He sleeps better, the times he got sick, we were able to make sure he was sat up when he would cough (or during stomach bugs he was able to be carried to the bathroom to throw up and get cleaned up)and honestly he got better so much faster because he was comforted through the night and had us right by. I may have lost sleep doing it, but he became healthy faster.

 I breast feed and if my child allowed it (because he is my little explorer) I would wear him in the sling I had gotten and that made him happy. He still breast feeds at 20 months (A year and 8 months old for those who are counting) and he is healthy, happy, eating people food, and growing like the proverbial weed. (That child is 3 FEET TALL... and has some seriously good grip and muscle control)

 Guess what, I found out that most of what I did was attachment parenting. It is mostly directed at mothers and from what I have read, it involves some sort of guilt. Guilt that if you don't do those things, that you are a horrible mother. It is a terrible thing to make ANY mother feel guilty.

Every family and person is different and so different things work for them. Cannot breast feed or you personally just cannot do it for whatever reason. Oh well, as long as you feed that child to your best ability, you are a MOTHER.

 Cannot carry your child because you are sore or just in general not very strong to tote them about all day long (or back issues) but you let them walk, roll around, or sit in a stroller? You are still with them, taking them with. You are a MOTHER.

 Do you spend all of your time at home with them because you are inverted and like the closeness of familiar people over going out with friends to crowded bars/places all day or night once a week? Or do you like spending time apart to breath and go adventuring with a friend to somewhere totally new and kid free for a few hours? You still love them, you still come home to them, you and the baby are happy because you are mutually comfortable. YOU ARE A MOTHER.

 Do you stay at home, clean the house, cook, and run errands like handling bills and tote the child along or have them at school while doing everything else that cannot be done by your significant other because they work weird hours? Do you instead work because your career is also another passion and your other stays home or you have a trusted care giver to get money for you home because you need or want to? You are providing in both roles and while some things either house maintenance or malleability in your schedule to do things may get sacrificed but either way YOU ARE A MOTHER.

 And guess what, for those fathers out there also taking care of the family (aside from breast feeding but if your child accepts it they can bottle feed the boob milk for them) they can DO all of those things too. They can be the Stay-at-home DAD. They can WORK. They can be the one who voted for the co-sleeping (which mine did) and they can be the one to carry, tote, snuggle, and wear the child or push them in a stroller. THEY ARE A FATHER

 If you notice while described as women doing all those things, attachment parenting has a key word. Parenting. You can have two moms, two fathers, one of each, and sometimes just one person and possibly a child care provider. It is parenting.

It is a thing that is not set and stone on how you have to do it. Because everything is circumstantial because every child is different and unique and lives in different situations. So follow some of the modeling of the attachment parenting, or follow whatever other style is out there, or follow your gut and do what makes everyone happy and what needs to be done.

 The thing we need most is to stand together, turn around, and tell the bashers to ignore what they hate and go follow their own plans. There are bigger issues than someone breast feeding a three year old. That child is being loved, nurtured, and his mom is at least taking care of him. The people bashing her are showing their children to be hostile to others who are different. NOW that is something to get upset about, but I won't attack someone.

 I will be an example instead, and just support all of the good things and choices a person makes for their family. No matter what they are doing, if it is supporting, nurturing, and caring for the betterment of the child and his living conditions, then I don't care if you work, stay home, are single, are paired, breast feed, bottle feed, or decide that your little 2 year old is allowed to have a moehawk. Be a parent, not a book. Love your child in your own way. YOU ARE A PARENT.

 And for those who are not parents nor want to be, but are still loving and supportive and caring. I thank you very much, you are wonderful as well and your choices make you a wonderful person in your own right.