Worry. Elation. Anxiety. Hope. Impatience. Eagerness.
And about a bunch of others I cannot really figure out what exactly they are. I just know it is forming a ball in the pit of my stomach and I am not sure if I should be jumping for joy or huddling away in a dark corner.
The happy part of me is like YES! Because I am steps away from securing a job, no matter WHAT is said. I will have the money for a down payment because people around me are spectacular and help me with either commissioning me (which makes me doubly happy because hey, I get to work on my art!) or just in general being awesome helpful people. I found an apartment and I am trying to get a hold of the people again so I can set up a time for me to visit the place and get a look at the inside. The outside is very pretty and looks incredibly well taken care of, I am assuming it can be said for the inside.
The unhappy part of me is that ball of dread. All of those what-ifs that usually I shut up because hell, I am a happy person. But no. Some. God. Damn. Asshole. Cannot be fucking happy for me. Someone out there things they have a right to step in and make it seem innocent by making it /seem/ like they aren't trying to dash my hopes, but try to weakly save it by saying they are hoping for the best for me.
It upsets me. It brings about a doom and I do not want to put up with it any more. So I am going to keep telling myself that EVERYTHING WILL WORK THE HELL OUT. Because in the long run, I know it will. I have come this far by taking matters into my own hands and perusing over and over what I want. Pressing matters when I apply somewhere and making sure they know I really want the job. Making sure they know my name because it will pop out like a neon sign when they see it in the applications. And hey, it worked, the very kind woman at the Turkey Hill said she was going to call me. I will make sure it happens to because I am serious about getting this job and doing everything I have to to keep it. I will work my tush off, lose sleep, probably get irritable sometimes, but to give Owen space and a place to live. It is all worth it.
So I will pursue the apartment as well. I WILL get this apartment for Cory, Owen, and I. I will stand my ground and I will not let shit get the hell in the way. Because you know what? Cory deserves it. Owen deserves it. We all deserve it and as long as I hold that sentiment tightly and never let it slip away, things will get the hell done.
Watch out world, the crazy artist lady has a plan, and she is gonna make it happen!
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